Parenting can be hard and doesn’t come with a manual. What 5 things are you doing wrong as parent?
If you are on your own parenting journey then maybe you’re able to relate. I think all parents, good ones anyway, question their ability at parenting. Are we doing it right? Even worse, are we doing it wrong? Did I yell too much today, did they get away with too much?
It is so hard to raise kids and not know how you’re actually doing at it and if you’re doing well. A quick note, if you’re asking yourself these questions you’re doing well. Parents who care strive to do their best and we do that by questioning ourselves and looking at our own behaviours. Here are 5 possible things you’re doing as a parent that isn’t helping you on your journey of raising humans.
Not Letting Them Be Bored
Raising children in an era of constant gratification is hard. Tv, phones, games and gadgets can be great ways to unwind, have fun and spend time as a family. They are handy when you have so much work to get done you need a quiet activity for the children. This is something ALL parents are guilty of and it isn’t a bad thing necessarily as some tech time is fine.
I am as guilty of this as the rest of you. My boys have games consoles and pads that they have access to and sometimes they spend too much time on them. The pattern that I’ve noticed however isn’t a great one and the main reason we have scaled back on how much tech time our boys have.
Once they don’t have that tech in their hand they are at a loss. They don’t know what to do, everything is boring and they don’t want to play. They find it hard to entertain themselves and that becomes a problem. We know that tech addiction can be a very real problem and we need to make sure our children have time to be bored. Yes, bored! You see something magical starts to happen to our brain when humans are bored. They imagine! They imagine fun activities and games. They problem-solve without us realising it and that is a key life skill.
Make sure to have tech-free time for your children so they don’t become reliant on it to solely entertain them. Try not to deviate from the times you set and be firm. You’ll notice your children using their imagination, making up games, building dens and generally being kids. It helps them learn there is more to life than what’s on a screen.
Expecting Too Much
Parenting is a crazy journey and we have so much on our plates as parents. Not only do you have children to raise, work to do, house to run and if you have time your own life. It can be easy to forget that our little ones are not as capable as we are.
Do we expect too much of our children? I think in some ways yes we do. I know I’ve been guilty of applying adult logic to my children’s behaviour and being cross with things they have done. For example, losing items and breaking items. Kids are always going to lose stuff and parents will still get mad. Even though we know, KIDS LOSE AND BREAK STUFF…… ALL THE TIME!
That’s not to say you shouldn’t explain how to better care for items but we need to remember our children don’t always have a concept of how much things cost or how that relates to our adult world. They are clumsy and will no doubt break some expensive items during their formative years.
I’m not saying don’t reprimand them when needed but just stay aware that this is a bigger deal to you than it is to them. Just for the simple fact that they have not grown and matured yet. We can’t really blame children for being children.
Expecting Too Little
On the other side of the coin, it is easy to not expect much from your children in other ways. I have been very lacking in giving my boys chores. It sounds crazy but I chose to have children so saw that I should do everything. It’s hard to forget that you’re supposed to work as a family unit, a team, to keep the cogs moving. We are in this together.
I think most parents would argue it’s just easier and quicker to do it themselves and you’re right it is. However, you’re taking away your child’s ability to understand how a family should work, together. Yes, you may have to go back over the job they did but you were going to do it anyway right?
You never know what new skills your child might learn if you give them a little more responsibility. Plus, over time, they will learn to do the jobs and a little bit may be taken off your plate as a parent. Our children will one day be adults and be responsible humans. Nothing wrong with teaching that from a younger age.
Comparing Your Parenting and Your Child to Others
Comparison is jealousies ugly sister yet we are all probably guilty of it. We compare our children to their peers whether positively or negatively. Perhaps your child is way ahead of all the school chums in regards to their school work? Or your baby isn’t walking when others their age are?
We compare ourselves to others as parents. Milly’s parent has all their shit together and never misses P.E day and Brad’s Mum always looks a million dollars on the school run. Whilst the rest of us are rushing around all morning just trying to get out the door.
The fact is we all go through the same on different days. Unless you are choosing to neglect or abuse your children you’re doing your best. Contrary to popular belief your best is good enough and if you’re really struggling be sure to reach out to people. A simple Facebook search for parenting groups will give you lots of online communities to find great support and advice, after all, it takes a village to raise a child.
Believing in the Bad Parenting Days
Nobody is perfect, not you, not me, not our children, no one! So, why do we believe our bad parenting days? Yes, you yelled too much today but you can apologise and move forward. The children have been off the scale naughty today? That’s ok because all humans become overwhelmed and act out. Again are we expecting too much from our kids?
The fact is your bad parenting days are just that, a bad day and they don’t define you. They don’t define the daily sacrifice we make as parents. They don’t define the immense love we feel for our children. They most definitely don’t reflect all of the previous days when you were a great parent so don’t hang onto them.
It’s a great way to teach your children how to behave when they are in the wrong. You acknowledge your mistake and say sorry for it. You can’t dwindle on the bad days and even if you feel they outweigh the good. If that is the case for you then do reach out to professionals who can help. There are some amazing parent courses available and you may find them very helpful.
You’re Doing Fabulous Sweetie
It’s worthwhile remembering that most of us were not taught to raise children. We tend to go off our own experiences and they don’t always fair us as well as we’d like. I think we all would have some personal changes we’d make to our parenting and now is a perfect time.
These 5 parenting problems affect many families and hopefully looking into them can help us have a happier, healthier family life. Are you guilty of any of these problems outlined? I know I am and have admitted it during this post because I know that I, like others, is a flawed human. For all of the parent posts, we have to offer you can select the parent category below or use this parent link.
Lots of Love,